Talents Old and New

We had the missionaries over for dinner. With Kent's work schedule, Sunday is really the only day that works. I remember how much I appreciated a hot meal when I was on my mission, it's wonderful to turn it around.

With the missionaries coming over, we had some talk about what a mission is with Ean. He's still not sure of the concept but he knows his daddy was a missionary. When talk turns to teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Ean usually refocuses on more interesting stuff, like pestering a sibling. However at five, I'd call him pretty darn normal and would think he was sick otherwise.

The Elders brought such a nice feeling into our home. There was a peace, even the bickering between Jane and Kate quieted down. One Elder, a young man from South Carolina, shared a spiritual thought from James. I wish I'd written the scripture down. I had such a strong feeling on how I need to live my faith. Actually, this whole Sunday was one giant reminder that that Lord expects not only good things but GREAT THINGS from us. And he's not thrown us out here with expectations alone but has given us tools to strengthen our faith, give us the resolve to keep the commandments of God.

My little brother is most cheerful in flaunting his choices that blatantly go against how he was raised but I find myself questioning his happiness because he seems to be searching hard for something. I know for myself I am happiest when I follow the subtle inspirations from God. They witness truth to my heart, guide me in teaching my children and sometimes, when life is really hard, there's a warmth that wraps around my soul giving me comfort and strength and allowing me to stumble forward.

I've spent a few years feeling spiritually numb. So much of my inner self has been sucked dry raising my children. Words can't describe how empty I felt the first few years of the twins life. I was to tired to feel and there were no breaks.

You know how on a rainy day, the clouds break and there's a glimpse of sun? When heavy and down, that simple crack in the gloom brings dazzling light and shadows across the landscape, showing that the world is really a bright place. The darkness and cold projected by the rain can feel like a lifetime and yet it never is.

I think, just maybe, the sun had broke through the clouds for me. And once the sun breaks through, I remember more vividly experiences from my past that I just haven't had time to think about.

One of the elders complimented me on two watercolor pictures on the wall in my front room.

When I was at BYU, I spent three years trying to get into the design program. I never got into the program but I did take a few watercolor classes along the way. I tend to be heavy handed with watercolor, never quite grasping the whisper touch required to let the paint work for you. Yet a few of my painting are intriguing, I have a good sense of design and color, I think that saved my watercolor grades. :)

I was inspired to paint what's hanging in my front room by an oil painting that hung in the art building. The figures were roughly lined in, the colors stark with a vivid contrast. It depicted the Savior while carrying the cross surrounded by solders. I was intrigued by the raw emotion, wanting desperately to try to capture that kind of imagery on my own. So I painted two pieces back to back of Christ outside the tomb right before revealing himself to Mary Magdalene. In the first piece I have her figure leaning against the tomb, it's a stormy sky and the dark blue grey sky bled into her clothes. Purely unintentional yet somehow it conveys her immense grief, as she doesn't yet see the Lord standing, commanding her attention.

The second one, has a better style I think but misses that emotion, yet you can still tell who the figures are.

It's been a long time since I thought of those paintings but I've been remembering vividly all night the intense desire to portray that image. I love my Lord Jesus Christ and the desire to put the image that's in my head down on paper is so strong, yet I've never quite had the talent to do so.

Very frustrating, which is why I no longer draw or paint. But tonight it occurred to me that I can paint these images down with words.

I feel almost as fulfilled tonight as I did when the paint was still wet on those watercolors.