I have a problem.
Some people have to be careful about what they eat. They have allergies or sensitivities to gluten, nuts, milk or shellfish. Some are life threatening, essentially isolating the individual that must be careful with every morsel of food that crosses their lips and in extreme cases, the residue of food on skin, wrappers, counters, or any surface someone else may have unintentionally contaminated.
It's isolating. Restaurants, visiting family, casual get togethers at the bowling alley can become a huge nightmare in logistics.
Well I don't have a food allergy but the isolating factor, I'm understanding a little bit more. You see, I am allergic to scents.
I've always been sensitive, strong perfumes bothered me when I was a teenager but most things, scented candles, lightly scented powder, strong smelling lotion, I could deal with without too many problems. Over the years, that's changed. I've had increasingly difficult times when strong scents are present.
A decade ago, I noticed how hard it was to be in the waiting room at the dentist with the constantly burning scented candle. As the years have gone by, my symptoms have increasingly gotten worse. Mostly I get headaches, stabbing pain in the back of my head but occasionally strong scents set off my asthma, which is what happened last night.
I slipped into a small, unventilated room packed full of women, at least half dressed as if for church and the scent was exceptionally strong.
Church in general has become increasingly difficult for me. I often have to leave the meeting, switch seats mid meeting or if someone sits near me that smells particularly strong, right before the meeting starts. If my headache is really bad or my chest feels heavy, we'll leave early.
I hate that. I hate missing meetings, sitting in the foyer by myself, missing out on the fellowship and teaching that happens in the classroom. I hate missing Sacrament meeting, the "meat" of our three hour Sunday block.
I do what I can, but there's a general apathy to my problem. I've been told "But I just don't feel dressed up without putting perfume on for Sunday." When my husband has tried to bring up my allergy to individuals that could make a difference, they make jokes about "marinating in perfume." In general, I get an "Oh that's too bad." but it ends there. The most empathy I get, are those that are kind enough to let me know before I get too close, so their scents don't rub off on me.
Last night was a church activity, specifically for women with lots of folks bringing guests. I shouldn't have been surprised. I should have been more prepared and been smarter.
I arrived late, having a cub scout activity I brought the boys too, so I missed the dinner. Usually they continue the spiritual presentation in the cultural hall and clean up afterwards but they did things differently this year, having all the Sisters move in the (dreaded, small, unventilated) Relief Society room and that's where I found everyone, apparently half way through the program.
I wanted to stay.
My chest got heavy.
I tried to relax.
I said a prayer.
My breathing go more labored.
My mistakes. I tried staying, my desire to stay was so incredibly strong. I needed that fellowship. I needed the spirit that was there but it was making me incredibly sick, far sicker then usual. My second mistake, it's been so long, literally years since I've had an actual asthma attack, I didn't have my inhaler in my purse.
Oh it was embarrassing. It was awkward. I was trying not to cry and because of this, and the labored nature of my breathing, I'm pretty sure some individuals thought I was overtaken with emotion, caught up in what was said.
That wasn't the case, the tears that slid from my eyes were tears of frustration that I couldn't control something so basic, that I don't even know if I can attend a meeting until I get there and see how strong the perfumes and aftershaves are.
I was incredibly lucky my neighbor let me use her inhaler.
If this continues to get worse, I wonder if I'll be able to attend church at all. It really makes me sad.
