It's been a while since I've devoted my time to telling just boy antics. So here we go, in all their glory.
We had the neighborhood Fall Social last night, and Kent was given the job of delivering potatoes the previous night. Since time is precious, I went with Kent and we took the twins. In between deliveries we had a chance to visit with each other. For the most part I stayed with the twins in the car.
We get to one house and David says to me "Mom, I am so verwy small and it's so hard. I just want to gwow up and be big." Huge pause "Like Gweg mom!"
In between chuckles I told David that I wanted to be big like Greg too. Greg had a hearty laugh and managed to spit out that I was already big.
David, in the most sympathetic tone told me "I know mom, it is so vewy hard."
Kent had a good laugh with that. He laughed even harder this morning when I was falsely accused of eating all the candy. There was a lot of candy from the trunker treat last night. I didn't want everyone to pig out in one sitting but I have no real desire to try to hold a whole bowl full of candy hostage and dole it out a little at a time. With the sugar fiends in the house, that's a recipe for disaster. Some one is sure to sneak and pig out and everyone else feels like they've been cheated.
So I carefully divided the candy into piles according to type. Then I took fifteen sandwich bags and split everything between them. Obviously they were not identical but they were pretty similar in amounts and types. That means each child gets three bags apiece to be passed out when I decide it's time. It's my compromise to get it out of the house in a hurry and not allow the kids to completely pig out in one day.
The bowl that originally held the candy was in the front room, along with a whole pile of wrappers from what the kids ate before going home. Greg walked into the front room, assessed the situation and immediately turned to me almost in tears saying "Mom, you not suppose to eat ALL DA CANDEE!"
It took a bit of explaining to let him know that I hadn't.
Some of my friends have heard far to many tales about my children, so much so, they love to bring them up as an inside joke. For example, recently on facebook a dear friend wrote in her status.
Another friend responded "Call Lisa....Ean is PERFECT for the job!! ;)"
Seven other friends "liked" it.
Then there's the comments we make in response to our children. Kent walked in through the door, noticed a picture on the window and asked who put it there. Fingers immediately pointed towards Ean and without even blinking, Kent commented "Ean, next time you tape something to the window, please use about four and a half yards less tape.
I pointed out to Kent that Ean needs more direction then that, like, four strips as long as your thumb. Kent responded, letting me know that is what he said. About four and a half yards LESS TAPE.
I tried.
For the Trunk or Treat I bought the boys some fun shirts and some face paint. I just don't have the time and resources to dress everyone super cute. So the twins both had bright red shirts with Elmo faces on them. My plan, to paint their faced red, spike their hair and call it good. The guys had different ideas expressing very different ideas for face painting. I went with it. Dave had me apply a few things and when asked what he was he promptly responded "I am an Elmo, Jedi, Vampire!" Then he had me paint half his face black, so I told him he was a chimney sweep. He added that to the list and for the rest of the night when asked what he was he responded. "I am an Elmo, Jedi, Vampire, Chimney sweep."
Talk about cute!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Mother's Tears
I have cried my share of tears for my children.
I'll never forget the relief that washed over me the first time I went to the nicu alone and watched my twins sleep. Here they were, perfect little bodies, perfect little boys, both alive with bright red hair fuzzed over their teeny heads. I couldn't help but cry. All those emotions from those three months of non-stop worry melted through me. The tears built up and I quietly cried as I realized I still didn't know what God had in store for my babies. Relief and worry all came in one blow. It was emotional.
I'll freely admit to being a crier. I try to not let it get out of control but I'm an emotional creature navigating a difficult road. The emotions I carry are for more then myself. I carry the hopes and dreams of five children in my heart. I have a man in my life that I am blessed to call spouse that stoically fulfills his duty his father and husband no matter how tired or drained. The weight of the world is on his shoulders and at times my heart is heavy knowing his burden.
When the neighbor dumped Jane as a friend in sixth grade and my beautiful girl sobbed in disbelief that her friend could abandon their years of friendship, the tears flowed freely knowing I couldn't take her pain away.
Lets not forget the tears of frustration. Frustration born of exhaustion from lack of sleep and never ending mischief. I can't begin to count the times I've been a puddle of tears in the middle of kitchen, sitting on some awful mess of flour and spices, looking upward and questioning "Why me?" I've never felt more inadequate as a parent then when Ean was a toddler. I couldn't start to meet his needs and the twins as well. Life was a constant blur of destruction, projectile vomiting and laundry. I do believe that's the year I went on zoloft.
So today had tears. Out of respect of my child, I wont' go into details but once more the unknown is in our life. We will be searching for answers and we don't know what those answers will be. I can pretty much guarantee the presence of tears. After all this is my child and that child is so loved.
Time to get on my knees. If I'm going to cry, I should do so on my knees. At least then, I won't be alone.
I'll never forget the relief that washed over me the first time I went to the nicu alone and watched my twins sleep. Here they were, perfect little bodies, perfect little boys, both alive with bright red hair fuzzed over their teeny heads. I couldn't help but cry. All those emotions from those three months of non-stop worry melted through me. The tears built up and I quietly cried as I realized I still didn't know what God had in store for my babies. Relief and worry all came in one blow. It was emotional.
I'll freely admit to being a crier. I try to not let it get out of control but I'm an emotional creature navigating a difficult road. The emotions I carry are for more then myself. I carry the hopes and dreams of five children in my heart. I have a man in my life that I am blessed to call spouse that stoically fulfills his duty his father and husband no matter how tired or drained. The weight of the world is on his shoulders and at times my heart is heavy knowing his burden.
When the neighbor dumped Jane as a friend in sixth grade and my beautiful girl sobbed in disbelief that her friend could abandon their years of friendship, the tears flowed freely knowing I couldn't take her pain away.
Lets not forget the tears of frustration. Frustration born of exhaustion from lack of sleep and never ending mischief. I can't begin to count the times I've been a puddle of tears in the middle of kitchen, sitting on some awful mess of flour and spices, looking upward and questioning "Why me?" I've never felt more inadequate as a parent then when Ean was a toddler. I couldn't start to meet his needs and the twins as well. Life was a constant blur of destruction, projectile vomiting and laundry. I do believe that's the year I went on zoloft.
So today had tears. Out of respect of my child, I wont' go into details but once more the unknown is in our life. We will be searching for answers and we don't know what those answers will be. I can pretty much guarantee the presence of tears. After all this is my child and that child is so loved.
Time to get on my knees. If I'm going to cry, I should do so on my knees. At least then, I won't be alone.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
The Primary Program
Every fall the ward has a primary program. For those unfamiliar with the LDS faith, ward is the name to describe specific congregations, for instance we are in the "Ninth ward". Primary is name for the organization that teaches children three to eleven. Sunday school principles are taught in age equivalent classes while in a larger setting specific skills such as "public speaking" are practiced in the form of giving two to three minute talks in front of peers.
My children love primary, currently we have four of our five in primary. Our oldest at thirteen attends "Young Womens" and an age appropriate Sunday school with her peers.
The primary program is an entire Sacrament meeting devoted to practiced parts and singing pieces from the primary age children. I have to say as parents, the primary program can be a great source of entertainment. The big bonus? Spending an entire meeting sitting next to my husband without anyone shorter then we are, trying to wedge their little bodies between us.
Since not a single child of ours could be understood before the age of five, our young children on the stage has always been a great source of amusement. I remember quite fondly Kate at about age four. She had a one line part, it took maybe twelve whole seconds to say and she had to be spoon fed every few words to get it all out. Her marvelous teacher did her part but Kate showing some flair decided to add lib and almost a full minute of indistinguishable jabber cheerfully came forth from her mouth. Not even Kent nor myself could understand her but she was dang cute up there and held every one's attention with her baby blues.
This year, the twins both can speak better then Kate did those many years ago. They still needed to be spoon fed their parts and I honestly can't remember what they said but the effort was unmistakable and that for me, was the most memorable part.
The leaders tried to really make the parts personal this year. Someone went to a lot of effort to keep track of talks the kids gave earlier in the year and used those talks to make each individual part. The end result was very touching.
Kate spoke of her great great great great great grandpa Butler, who was a body guard for Joseph Smith. Kate described how this ancestor of hers was told by the Prophet to take his family out of his home without delay and to not spend the night there. With great faith, he removed his family and spent the night at a neighbors house. That night, as Kate put it, "Some bad men" burnt his house to the ground. Then Kate expressed how she knew that if she followed the prophet, she too would be protected just like her great great great (really I don't know how many there should be) grandfather.
The absolute best part of this was that Kate's great grandmother, Betty Robinson, came to hear the kids. It was a huge sacrifice on her part because leaving the house isn't easy for Betty. Betty was married to the man that this ancestor came from. That made it especially special for us, to know that, Betty knows, her great-granddaughter knows of her heritage and is learning from it.
Kent's father and my mother were also able to attend. Unfortunately Kent's mom has been ill the past little bit and coming just wasn't in her power.
Ean also did extremely well. In Ean's part, he described a visual my mother used at a cousin's baptism. My mom dyed some water red and then put bleach in the water. The water turned clear again. Ean described how this visual shows that baptism wipes our sins away.
The really funny part about Ean's piece is that, yes, this was from a talk that Ean was suppose to give. Ean in a huge fit of stubbornness, completely balked at actually giving the talk and Greg gave it in his place that Sunday.
I think standing up in front of all the adults in a filled chapel to narrate what he saw his Mormor (grandmother) do that day more then makes up for never giving the talk in Primary.
Come to think of it, he's still due for a talk sometime this year.
My children love primary, currently we have four of our five in primary. Our oldest at thirteen attends "Young Womens" and an age appropriate Sunday school with her peers.
The primary program is an entire Sacrament meeting devoted to practiced parts and singing pieces from the primary age children. I have to say as parents, the primary program can be a great source of entertainment. The big bonus? Spending an entire meeting sitting next to my husband without anyone shorter then we are, trying to wedge their little bodies between us.
Since not a single child of ours could be understood before the age of five, our young children on the stage has always been a great source of amusement. I remember quite fondly Kate at about age four. She had a one line part, it took maybe twelve whole seconds to say and she had to be spoon fed every few words to get it all out. Her marvelous teacher did her part but Kate showing some flair decided to add lib and almost a full minute of indistinguishable jabber cheerfully came forth from her mouth. Not even Kent nor myself could understand her but she was dang cute up there and held every one's attention with her baby blues.
This year, the twins both can speak better then Kate did those many years ago. They still needed to be spoon fed their parts and I honestly can't remember what they said but the effort was unmistakable and that for me, was the most memorable part.
The leaders tried to really make the parts personal this year. Someone went to a lot of effort to keep track of talks the kids gave earlier in the year and used those talks to make each individual part. The end result was very touching.
Kate spoke of her great great great great great grandpa Butler, who was a body guard for Joseph Smith. Kate described how this ancestor of hers was told by the Prophet to take his family out of his home without delay and to not spend the night there. With great faith, he removed his family and spent the night at a neighbors house. That night, as Kate put it, "Some bad men" burnt his house to the ground. Then Kate expressed how she knew that if she followed the prophet, she too would be protected just like her great great great (really I don't know how many there should be) grandfather.
The absolute best part of this was that Kate's great grandmother, Betty Robinson, came to hear the kids. It was a huge sacrifice on her part because leaving the house isn't easy for Betty. Betty was married to the man that this ancestor came from. That made it especially special for us, to know that, Betty knows, her great-granddaughter knows of her heritage and is learning from it.
Kent's father and my mother were also able to attend. Unfortunately Kent's mom has been ill the past little bit and coming just wasn't in her power.
Ean also did extremely well. In Ean's part, he described a visual my mother used at a cousin's baptism. My mom dyed some water red and then put bleach in the water. The water turned clear again. Ean described how this visual shows that baptism wipes our sins away.
The really funny part about Ean's piece is that, yes, this was from a talk that Ean was suppose to give. Ean in a huge fit of stubbornness, completely balked at actually giving the talk and Greg gave it in his place that Sunday.
I think standing up in front of all the adults in a filled chapel to narrate what he saw his Mormor (grandmother) do that day more then makes up for never giving the talk in Primary.
Come to think of it, he's still due for a talk sometime this year.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Not Learning From Our Mistakes
For the second year in a row, Jane's managed to bury her head in the sand and pretend that her actions don't really affect her grades.
And for the second year in a row, Kent and I are forced to play hard ball.
So, pretty much it's no life for the child until grades improve. I also let her know that in the evening,we are now best friends and she will be with me when doing her work.
I had high hopes she learned her lesson last year. She is really trying to push the "It's to hard" but this is a repeat class for her and she did alright in it last year. So failing?
I really really REALLY hate having to be mean. We already have one child without privileges for lying and stealing, now another one for grades. Pretty soon only the twins will have a social life. I'm HOME TOO. I shudder to think of the state of my family if I was working right now.
So if you need me, I'll be at home. With my children. Playing warden. Until we can all get our acts together.
And for the second year in a row, Kent and I are forced to play hard ball.
So, pretty much it's no life for the child until grades improve. I also let her know that in the evening,we are now best friends and she will be with me when doing her work.
I had high hopes she learned her lesson last year. She is really trying to push the "It's to hard" but this is a repeat class for her and she did alright in it last year. So failing?
I really really REALLY hate having to be mean. We already have one child without privileges for lying and stealing, now another one for grades. Pretty soon only the twins will have a social life. I'm HOME TOO. I shudder to think of the state of my family if I was working right now.
So if you need me, I'll be at home. With my children. Playing warden. Until we can all get our acts together.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Color Me Confused
After a year of service, tonight is the last night I serve as a policy counsel member for Head Start. It's been a fun year and I've enjoyed giving back to the program that gave my boys so much.
Tonight is also the kids open house at the elementary school.
Tonight is also the night, if I chose to schedule a parent teacher meeting with any of Jane's teachers at middle school, I was suppose to call and schedule an appointment.
Really?
Three schools. One night. One me.
Now I'm going to my last night of Policy counsel (without the notebook I'm suppose to return because I have no idea where it's at) pretty guilt free. I talk regularly with the Elementary school teachers. Pretty much every time I go to the school, I talk to someone so at least once a week. And Jane, I haven't talked to her teachers but using the school portal, where I can look up her assignments, I'm keeping track of how's she's doing and the school is tracking her carefully since this is the first year of having the IEP that documents her learning disability.
So to sum this up, all week, nothing except one mad dash to the dentist to re-glue a temporary crown that had come off and of course Jane's Monday appointment with her therapist (for Jane's anxiety).
The three school things on Thursday aren't the only overlaps this week. No Saturday has a women's super Saturday at church and the kids have rehearsal for the primary program at the same time. That one isn't nearly as stressful, I'm not required to be multiple places at once.
I feel lame for not helping more with other things. The book fair/fundraiser was at Wilcox this week. Yeah, did not help. The super Saturday, was suppose to do a class, the organizer took one look at me and let me get out of it. I was looking pretty puny from a week of asthma gunk.
Does it get better?
I didn't think so.
Tonight is also the kids open house at the elementary school.
Tonight is also the night, if I chose to schedule a parent teacher meeting with any of Jane's teachers at middle school, I was suppose to call and schedule an appointment.
Really?
Three schools. One night. One me.
Now I'm going to my last night of Policy counsel (without the notebook I'm suppose to return because I have no idea where it's at) pretty guilt free. I talk regularly with the Elementary school teachers. Pretty much every time I go to the school, I talk to someone so at least once a week. And Jane, I haven't talked to her teachers but using the school portal, where I can look up her assignments, I'm keeping track of how's she's doing and the school is tracking her carefully since this is the first year of having the IEP that documents her learning disability.
So to sum this up, all week, nothing except one mad dash to the dentist to re-glue a temporary crown that had come off and of course Jane's Monday appointment with her therapist (for Jane's anxiety).
The three school things on Thursday aren't the only overlaps this week. No Saturday has a women's super Saturday at church and the kids have rehearsal for the primary program at the same time. That one isn't nearly as stressful, I'm not required to be multiple places at once.
I feel lame for not helping more with other things. The book fair/fundraiser was at Wilcox this week. Yeah, did not help. The super Saturday, was suppose to do a class, the organizer took one look at me and let me get out of it. I was looking pretty puny from a week of asthma gunk.
Does it get better?
I didn't think so.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Stealing and Lying
Once again as parents, Kent and I are facing the challenge of a child making detrimental choices. Respecting the privacy of this child, I'm not naming names and I ask for no guesses please.
We've had a repeated problem of stealing. For the most part, it's been more family things, think food set aside for family home evening. Snacks in the locked freezer that should last a few weeks are gone in a few days. When confronted, this child will go from either claiming to be sharing with younger sibs to flat out lying about any knowledge of the missing booty.
Then I will routinely find evidence in this child's room that this child did take whatever is missing.
We've been dealing with this for at least six months and it's reached a critical point. I'm in a horrible position where this particular child is always my first suspect and I never believe what this child says. As a mother, I find it not only heartbreaking but frustrating because obviously, since this is a repeat problem, what we're doing as parents is flat out not working.
The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, actual money was taken from my desk drawer. Without opening the door to allow lying, I immediately went to this child and let the child know that the money was to be returned. Even though I refrained from framing the question that would lead to lying, this child chose to lie anyway. I was confronted with a barrage of exasperated denial. Tears. Worse, then those was the sinking in my heart because I was almost sure that this child was the thief.
So I changed my tactic and announced that I was searching this child's room. This lead to more attitude with loud, "FINE" and "You WONT FIND ANYTHING".
I tried to let this child know that all the lying in the past meant I couldn't trust this child. It fell on deaf ears as the denial went on.
I searched and oddly after only a few minutes I found money. Since this child's allowances is kept in a lock box in my dresser, spare bills in the room are automatically suspect.
First there was outrage. I mean, this child wanted to just be alone, OKAY!
Then there was yelling. Everything I tried to say, there was yelling back at me.
Finally we could talk. We let this child know that there would be no organized play dates for at least two weeks, no sleep overs for at least a month. More important is the higher standard of work we're expecting in both school and chores at home. We let this child know that we expect no complaints. We also let this child know that this wasn't a grounding. Leaving the house for around the neighborhood after chores would be fine.
I'm not a huge fan of grounding and really that needs to the ultimate last resort. There's a difference between taking away organized play dates and putting a child under house arrest.
The final thing that needed to be understood is that we can't trust this child and if anything comes up missing, I will be searching their room. I am not required to give a reason. I am not required to weigh the sides of siblings. I will simply go and make sure missing items are not in that child's room. It will be this way until trust can rebuilt and that will take some time.
Dang parenting is hard.
We've had a repeated problem of stealing. For the most part, it's been more family things, think food set aside for family home evening. Snacks in the locked freezer that should last a few weeks are gone in a few days. When confronted, this child will go from either claiming to be sharing with younger sibs to flat out lying about any knowledge of the missing booty.
Then I will routinely find evidence in this child's room that this child did take whatever is missing.
We've been dealing with this for at least six months and it's reached a critical point. I'm in a horrible position where this particular child is always my first suspect and I never believe what this child says. As a mother, I find it not only heartbreaking but frustrating because obviously, since this is a repeat problem, what we're doing as parents is flat out not working.
The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, actual money was taken from my desk drawer. Without opening the door to allow lying, I immediately went to this child and let the child know that the money was to be returned. Even though I refrained from framing the question that would lead to lying, this child chose to lie anyway. I was confronted with a barrage of exasperated denial. Tears. Worse, then those was the sinking in my heart because I was almost sure that this child was the thief.
So I changed my tactic and announced that I was searching this child's room. This lead to more attitude with loud, "FINE" and "You WONT FIND ANYTHING".
I tried to let this child know that all the lying in the past meant I couldn't trust this child. It fell on deaf ears as the denial went on.
I searched and oddly after only a few minutes I found money. Since this child's allowances is kept in a lock box in my dresser, spare bills in the room are automatically suspect.
First there was outrage. I mean, this child wanted to just be alone, OKAY!
Then there was yelling. Everything I tried to say, there was yelling back at me.
Finally we could talk. We let this child know that there would be no organized play dates for at least two weeks, no sleep overs for at least a month. More important is the higher standard of work we're expecting in both school and chores at home. We let this child know that we expect no complaints. We also let this child know that this wasn't a grounding. Leaving the house for around the neighborhood after chores would be fine.
I'm not a huge fan of grounding and really that needs to the ultimate last resort. There's a difference between taking away organized play dates and putting a child under house arrest.
The final thing that needed to be understood is that we can't trust this child and if anything comes up missing, I will be searching their room. I am not required to give a reason. I am not required to weigh the sides of siblings. I will simply go and make sure missing items are not in that child's room. It will be this way until trust can rebuilt and that will take some time.
Dang parenting is hard.
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Great Pumpkin Massacre
Hill style of course.
Today had a lot of running around, so since it's two weeks before Halloween, I opted for an easy planning family home evening. The kids carved pumpkins.
Here's the fun.
Today had a lot of running around, so since it's two weeks before Halloween, I opted for an easy planning family home evening. The kids carved pumpkins.
Here's the fun.
Learning to Live with Learning Disabilities
I've been pretty open about my journey with my two girls as we've navigated the school system, trying to help them get the help they need. This battle continues even with the presence of IEP's (individual education plans) for both girls. IEP's are legally binding documents that schools are required to follow to meet a child's individual needs.
Sometimes this journey hasn't gone so well. Sixth grade for Jane comes to mind. A quick overview, Jane had an IEP until forth grade. She was then released and her elementary school recognized that she couldn't function in the regular classroom. Luckily Idaho has a law in place called an I-plan that allows for school to give children like Jane that tested out of special services but would sink in fully mainstreamed classes, the help they need. The plan was to have her on the I-plan in fifth and sixth and pushing for her to be ready for middle school by seventh.
Several different things happened. Our school district changed the middle school structure to include sixth grade and since I-plans legally have no standing, it's entirely voluntary, we knew that Jane's sixth year, the first sixth graders in middle school, would be a difficult year.
I want to say that Jane's middle school is notorious for not helping students like my daughter but in reality, in our school district, it's all the middle schools. The push to put a bunch of tweens and teens through the system is immense. The classrooms overcrowded and no understanding of Jane's disability existed at this point. She was mainstream with no back up.
Without going into a debate on whether sixth graders belong in middle school or not, lets just say for my daughter, this environment was detrimental.
Here was a kid that had received extra help since the age of four. Her disability was not diagnosed at this point but she had a long school file of documented problems both comprehending and recalling. She had a short attention span, easily distracted and at this point still had problems effectively communicating. I'd like to point out that her ability to communicate has drastically improved but it's still not where it should be.
So it was really throwing this kid to the wolves. Her teachers recognized her problems and we talked to all of them, trying to work with them on how to help Jane. So Kent and I felt like there was a real working relationship with Jane's teacher. Then the school comes out that in their haste to make this transition to middle school, they actually were not fulfilling Idaho law on how much continuous focus is on the Language Arts. They switched all the sixth grade schedules making our established working relationships with Jane's teachers, now useless.
It was frustrating for us, for Jane's new teachers and especially frustrating for Jane.
Thankfully the state has changed how they do testing so that both my girls, former IEP kids, could be diagnosed as learning disabled. Finally a door was opened to legally allow, not only my daughters, but others in similar situations to receive help.
My biggest problem right now that the girls are diagnosed and have IEPs is keeping the exact nature of their disabilities separate.
Kate's a little easier to explain. Kate scores really low in something called "active learning". It's the learning we do when a teacher is standing in front of the room, having you open your book and letting you know what the assignment is. All that stuff done in the front of the classroom. So when it looks like Kate is spacing off, she's honestly just not comprehending the information given to her. Throw in low comprehension (especially from written language) and really low recall, learning is just hard for Kate.
Jane on the other hand has a few things going on, including the recent diagnosis of ADHD which is so intermingled with her learning disability, it's hard to figure out where one begins and the other ends. Jane also has low comprehension and low recall, although there's another curve ball in Jane's learning. Jane does better reading information but vocal information goes right over her head.
The girls testing were different, due to being in different schools and being different ages, so I don't know if Jane's low vocal comprehension is related to Kate's low "active learning". There's so much we don't know.
But for both girls, even with the stuff we don't know, the result is the same. There's a constant battle to keep teachers not only updated but accountable for following those IEPs. At the same time, there's the battle with the girls, to keep them trying and moving forward. I don't want either girl to get the idea that their disabilities is a pass from having to work in school. Quite the opposite, they have to work harder.
It's a struggle personally to know that genetically, I've passed this nonsense onto my girls. It's because I'm their mother every school day is such a struggle. That's when I have to turn to the Lord and remember that it wasn't my doing, it was his and he, in his infinite wisdom, has his reasons why. I hope my girls can learn strength, develop their faith, rely on their Father in Heaven as they plow forward with their particular challenges.
We all have challenges. The difference with the girls is that we can point a finger and say, look, this is yours. There are lessons to be learned and lets face it. When either of my daughters scores well on a test, I know it's because of their tenacity and they worked, I mean really worked to get that grade.
I hope to teach them that their struggles do not define them but if they allow it, those same struggles can shape them into incredible people.
Lets face it, no one knows their potential. Not even them.
Sometimes this journey hasn't gone so well. Sixth grade for Jane comes to mind. A quick overview, Jane had an IEP until forth grade. She was then released and her elementary school recognized that she couldn't function in the regular classroom. Luckily Idaho has a law in place called an I-plan that allows for school to give children like Jane that tested out of special services but would sink in fully mainstreamed classes, the help they need. The plan was to have her on the I-plan in fifth and sixth and pushing for her to be ready for middle school by seventh.
Several different things happened. Our school district changed the middle school structure to include sixth grade and since I-plans legally have no standing, it's entirely voluntary, we knew that Jane's sixth year, the first sixth graders in middle school, would be a difficult year.
I want to say that Jane's middle school is notorious for not helping students like my daughter but in reality, in our school district, it's all the middle schools. The push to put a bunch of tweens and teens through the system is immense. The classrooms overcrowded and no understanding of Jane's disability existed at this point. She was mainstream with no back up.
Without going into a debate on whether sixth graders belong in middle school or not, lets just say for my daughter, this environment was detrimental.
Here was a kid that had received extra help since the age of four. Her disability was not diagnosed at this point but she had a long school file of documented problems both comprehending and recalling. She had a short attention span, easily distracted and at this point still had problems effectively communicating. I'd like to point out that her ability to communicate has drastically improved but it's still not where it should be.
So it was really throwing this kid to the wolves. Her teachers recognized her problems and we talked to all of them, trying to work with them on how to help Jane. So Kent and I felt like there was a real working relationship with Jane's teacher. Then the school comes out that in their haste to make this transition to middle school, they actually were not fulfilling Idaho law on how much continuous focus is on the Language Arts. They switched all the sixth grade schedules making our established working relationships with Jane's teachers, now useless.
It was frustrating for us, for Jane's new teachers and especially frustrating for Jane.
Thankfully the state has changed how they do testing so that both my girls, former IEP kids, could be diagnosed as learning disabled. Finally a door was opened to legally allow, not only my daughters, but others in similar situations to receive help.
My biggest problem right now that the girls are diagnosed and have IEPs is keeping the exact nature of their disabilities separate.
Kate's a little easier to explain. Kate scores really low in something called "active learning". It's the learning we do when a teacher is standing in front of the room, having you open your book and letting you know what the assignment is. All that stuff done in the front of the classroom. So when it looks like Kate is spacing off, she's honestly just not comprehending the information given to her. Throw in low comprehension (especially from written language) and really low recall, learning is just hard for Kate.
Jane on the other hand has a few things going on, including the recent diagnosis of ADHD which is so intermingled with her learning disability, it's hard to figure out where one begins and the other ends. Jane also has low comprehension and low recall, although there's another curve ball in Jane's learning. Jane does better reading information but vocal information goes right over her head.
The girls testing were different, due to being in different schools and being different ages, so I don't know if Jane's low vocal comprehension is related to Kate's low "active learning". There's so much we don't know.
But for both girls, even with the stuff we don't know, the result is the same. There's a constant battle to keep teachers not only updated but accountable for following those IEPs. At the same time, there's the battle with the girls, to keep them trying and moving forward. I don't want either girl to get the idea that their disabilities is a pass from having to work in school. Quite the opposite, they have to work harder.
It's a struggle personally to know that genetically, I've passed this nonsense onto my girls. It's because I'm their mother every school day is such a struggle. That's when I have to turn to the Lord and remember that it wasn't my doing, it was his and he, in his infinite wisdom, has his reasons why. I hope my girls can learn strength, develop their faith, rely on their Father in Heaven as they plow forward with their particular challenges.
We all have challenges. The difference with the girls is that we can point a finger and say, look, this is yours. There are lessons to be learned and lets face it. When either of my daughters scores well on a test, I know it's because of their tenacity and they worked, I mean really worked to get that grade.
I hope to teach them that their struggles do not define them but if they allow it, those same struggles can shape them into incredible people.
Lets face it, no one knows their potential. Not even them.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Forget Careful Discussion with your Doctor
It's the paper pushers that decide what is ultimately best for you, or as we discovered this past week, what's best for our child.
Since getting Jane's official diagnosis of ADHD and understanding that with the obvious overlapping of her learning disabilities medications just might not work for her, I've had a desire to at least try. Whether we find a medication that works for her or not, we at least know we've done everything in our power to help her succeed. If something does work, I'd like to know before she starts high school.
So I made an appointment and we went to talk meds with Jane's doctor. After some discussion of the pros and cons of different meds, I went with his recommendation of Stratera. This is the one ADHD med that isn't a controlled substance. It also has the bonus of working extremely well in teenage girls and women. So the doctor called it in and we went out the door.
I had him send it in to a different pharmacy and I thought I'd better get her insurance information over there and while I was in the neighborhood, I renewed Kate's prescription for "Singular". Her asthma is doing so much better but if that darn cough started again, I really want a filled prescription in the house.
So I went in and started with Jane. A red flag popped up for the pharmacist instructing her that Jane's doctor has to send in specifically why he wants Jane on Stratera before they'd issue approval for it. Faxes were involved and I wasn't holding my breath on how long the process would take. Went straight home and the amusing phone call from the pharmacy came through to let me know there was a delay on Jane's prescription.
Really?
You mean the prescription I just talked to the pharmacist about fifteen minutes before?
Yes those automated systems are fun!
Anyhoo, the next morning I got a phone call from Jane's doctor and the Stratera was refused. For ADHD meds, medicaid will only approve Stratera after two failed trials from the "Ritalin" family of drugs and "Ritalin" is the first that needs to be tried because, as a friend pointed out, "Ritalin" is cheap and works great on boys and everyone knows boys are the ones diagnosed with ADHD.
*Sigh*
Obviously our choices are limited because paying for the prescription ourselves simply is not an option right now. Even with Kent's steady paycheck we're still living under the poverty line, which isn't hard in this recession for a family of seven.
The good news, we'll know really fast if the Ritalin works.
I hope the irony of the state's medicaid pushing the controlled substance for the sake of cost isn't lost here. I wanted to try the safer drug first. Silly me in thinking me and more importantly, Jane's doctor, had a say.
Since getting Jane's official diagnosis of ADHD and understanding that with the obvious overlapping of her learning disabilities medications just might not work for her, I've had a desire to at least try. Whether we find a medication that works for her or not, we at least know we've done everything in our power to help her succeed. If something does work, I'd like to know before she starts high school.
So I made an appointment and we went to talk meds with Jane's doctor. After some discussion of the pros and cons of different meds, I went with his recommendation of Stratera. This is the one ADHD med that isn't a controlled substance. It also has the bonus of working extremely well in teenage girls and women. So the doctor called it in and we went out the door.
I had him send it in to a different pharmacy and I thought I'd better get her insurance information over there and while I was in the neighborhood, I renewed Kate's prescription for "Singular". Her asthma is doing so much better but if that darn cough started again, I really want a filled prescription in the house.
So I went in and started with Jane. A red flag popped up for the pharmacist instructing her that Jane's doctor has to send in specifically why he wants Jane on Stratera before they'd issue approval for it. Faxes were involved and I wasn't holding my breath on how long the process would take. Went straight home and the amusing phone call from the pharmacy came through to let me know there was a delay on Jane's prescription.
Really?
You mean the prescription I just talked to the pharmacist about fifteen minutes before?
Yes those automated systems are fun!
Anyhoo, the next morning I got a phone call from Jane's doctor and the Stratera was refused. For ADHD meds, medicaid will only approve Stratera after two failed trials from the "Ritalin" family of drugs and "Ritalin" is the first that needs to be tried because, as a friend pointed out, "Ritalin" is cheap and works great on boys and everyone knows boys are the ones diagnosed with ADHD.
*Sigh*
Obviously our choices are limited because paying for the prescription ourselves simply is not an option right now. Even with Kent's steady paycheck we're still living under the poverty line, which isn't hard in this recession for a family of seven.
The good news, we'll know really fast if the Ritalin works.
I hope the irony of the state's medicaid pushing the controlled substance for the sake of cost isn't lost here. I wanted to try the safer drug first. Silly me in thinking me and more importantly, Jane's doctor, had a say.
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