Remember I said Kent's interest in blood and gore would a problem? Well this is where it became a problem. While the boys were whisked off to the nicu, Kent was suppose to follow them but no, he tried to stay behind so he could watch my tubes getting tied. He was really a bit miffed they wouldn't let him stay. I actually yelled at him to go check our babies and he respond "they were fine!"
He finally left.
That's when things got really weird for me. The chatter wasn't about babies anymore, it was all surgical talk. I started to feel a lot of tugging and lower back pain. I actually started stretching my back and trying to arch my back. The anesthesiologist asked me if I was alright so I told him how much pain I was in. He gave me something and the world went weird. I closed my eyes and started to hallucinate toys falling off the operating table. It was the craziest experience I'd ever had. I could hear them, see them and if my stupid arms weren't strapped down I think I could have touched them. When someone asked me a question I could open my eyes and be right there and feel fine but the second I closed my eyes the toys started falling off the table again.
Finally my OB finished up and I was wheeled into recovery. My spinal was starting to wear off so I welcomed the drugs they offered me. My friends mom worked in recovery and she stopped by to say hi and congratulate me on the birth of the boys. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about them. I honestly was so out of it for the first time in months they weren't on my mind. Luckily that feeling didn't last long and I started to connect again with my thoughts and feelings.
There's a lot of blurred memories for me while I was in the hospital. I was so tired and I hurt. I'd never had surgery before, it was all so new. I do vividly remember begging the nurse for food that evening. she wanted me to take it slow and I couldn't convince her that I wanted to eat!!! Holy cow I hadn't eaten in 24 hours and I was used to grazing all day long. She finally brought me a clear liquids tray, tea, jello, broth etc. I ate that and all it did was make me hungrier. She was finally convinced I wanted and could handle food!
Still hooked up to the IV and the Foley, I got to take a wheelchair over to the nicu and see the boys that night. The were so little. Greg had an oxygen tube (whatever it's called!) and Dave was hooked up to a c-pap. I didn't know what to do. They looked so fragile. You know what though, as I gazed at them I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. They were safe, finally they were safe. The malfunctioning placenta they shared couldn't hurt them, they could grow unhindered and they were HUGE. According to nicu standards four pound thirty-two weekers are incredible and when you take into account the twin to twin, it's downright miraculous.
Greg was red for about a week and Dave was pale for a bit longer. They had some fluid transfer during birth, a late form of ttts. Greg's redness was from to much fluid and Dave's paleness was from not enough. So the fluid in Dave was literally squeezed into Greg through their placenta. One last jab of the twin to twin I guess.
My aunt remarked that it was darn foolish of me to plan so many birthdays the week of Christmas. Oh HELLO, I was due with the twins on Valentines day. I could hardly be blamed for poor planning.
I was in the hospital for three days. I was released Christmas Eve. I had friends visit and Kent's parents came that first day but they didn't come after that. No one in Kent's family came. They were all getting ready for Christmas I guess. My mom watched my kids and Kent's parents wouldn't take the kids so my mom could come to the hospital. I was furious. They didn't have time. Apparently they were having some people they knew over for Christmas and they wanted to make it extra special. To hell with us I guess. It's taken a long time to let go and I don't know if I'll ever fully succeed. I do know that my pregnancy with the twins damaged my relationship with my in laws in ways that can never be fully repaired. There's so much more but it accomplishes nothing to rehash every little bit.
I skipped seeing them completely that Christmas. I just couldn't, I was far to hurt.
So Kent as exhausted as he was would rush home during the day to watch kids so my mom could go up to the hospital to see me and the babies. My mom made a huge sacrifice for us. My brother was visiting in Vermont, was actually staying at my mom's house and mom was in Idaho with us. She left us far sooner then I wanted her too, just after the new year but she needed to spend time with my brother and I would never have begrudged her that. Spending Christmas away from him was hard enough, I wouldn't have ever asked her to miss him completely.
Mom got to hold those little boys. see some of the sleep apnea, feed them bottles, I think she even changed a diaper or two.
The boys were in the nicu for three weeks (Greg) and three and a half weeks (David). Once again our church family saved us. They watched our children every evening so we could go and see our boys. There was one teenage girl that came over about 10 days in a row, eagerly helping us out. I'll forever be grateful for her sacrifice.
I attended Christmas services four days after my boys birth. Some thought I was a little nuts but I had been on bed rest for three months. I needed to give thanks, on Christmas day seemed especially appropriate.
My boys are miracles. Kent's told me that we had twins because I had stated I would only have one more pregnancy after Ean and that's it so it was my fault. I don't believe that's why we had the experience. I believe we went through that pregnancy so we could lean on God, lean on each other, humbly accept the gifts of service given so freely by others. At anytime they could have been taken from us and they weren't. We went through what we did so that we could say that we've experienced a miracle.
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