Someone I know wrote down advice for those considering marriage on facebook. Basically he said, if you don't agree on the important stuff, don't get married.
I believe that's really over simplifying marriage and what makes marriage work, so I thought I'd give a stab at writing the thoughts swirling around my head. As always, this is really aimed towards my children.
1. Agreeing on basic stuff can help a marriage, things like religion, family size, where to live etc.. should be discussed before the big question is asked. However, agreeing on the big stuff does not guarantee a good marriage. Just like having major differences doesn't doom a marriage. Mormor as an active, LDS woman stayed married to your grandpa, an atheist until grandpa died. They loved each dearly and had a very good marriage. Actually, they were my example for unconditional love and I'm grateful I had that example.
2. Look carefully at how the person your dating acts towards other people and take note. How do they react to stress, how do they treat family, how do they treat those that have "wronged" them. See, when dating, we all know presentation is everything. So look outside the dating relationship, observe the world around them and keep in mind, they're going to see how you treat your family, how you react to stress, what kind of person you really are. So if you want a quality spouse, ask yourself, what kind of person are you?
3. This leads right to my next point. Don't work on getting married. Work on being a happy, spiritual, quality person. Because when you are the type of person that loves yourself (I'm not talking pride, I'm talking recognizing yourself as a child of God) and you have a strong spiritual foundation, living the Gospel of Jesus Christ in your life, quality people that have the potential to be wonderful spouses will find you.
4. Do not ever delusion yourself into thinking you can change a person. Just as you have your own free will, they have theirs. Along these same lines, please, someone will not magically change for the "better" after marriage. Someone that is verbally abusive won't change after marriage and the stats show, that verbal abuse can easily escalate into physical abuse.
But really, I could list until the end of time, lets get to the crux of the matter. If you're living your life close to God and our Savior Jesus Christ, then you'll know if someone is right for you. I have had both dating extremes. I've had the relationship that was never meant to be, no matter what I did. I felt confused, uneasy, unhappy, whenever thoughts or talk of marriage would come up.
Then I had what happened with the love of my life. Simply speaking, I was completely at peace the moment I met him. As quickly as our relationship went (six weeks from first date until engagement, six weeks from engagement until marriage), this spiritual peace, a calmness that's hard to describe, the complete opposite of that wrong marriage option when I was so torn up inside, I knew Kent was my match and we quickly fell in love.
I know folks that have been in love with marriage rather then the person their marrying. You can usually tell when their eyes light up at all the wedding details and the response when they talk of their spouse pales in comparison.
Let me say, that marriage doesn't guarantee happiness but it doesn't guarantee unhappiness either. Marriage is a partnership where each partner puts everything they can into the happiness of their spouse. See, you're willing to compromise because you love the other person so much and their happiness means everything to you. They should be doing the same in return.
You have to talk every day. You have to pray, spend time, laugh, share jokes, rejoice in being together, every moment you can.
You will make mistakes. Your spouse will see you at your very best, and your absolute worst and still love you. Suppose you thought you lost your complete set of keys in another state and your spouse, without saying a word spends $20 bucks on a completely new set of keys that very day.
And then suppose your "lost" keys magically appear in your purse.
And your spouse doesn't ever bring it up. Doesn't ever tease you because he knows you feel bad. That my friends, shows what a marriage is really made of.
That and a new extra set of keys in the bedroom dresser.
No comments:
Post a Comment